After having another emotional night I decided to repost what I originally wrote to them. Just when I think I am getting over it, it all comes up again. I know we all have been through it, but tonight as Jon is packing up a bunch of the stuff from our house that belonged to our dogs, I broke down. Again, a lot of you have already read it, but somehow it really isn't about that. I look it up and reread it everyday. So I think reposting it in my weak moments and knowing that it will touch even one more person makes the tears worth it all over again.
Rex, Amber, and Dolly...I will never forget you!
There is a HUGE gaping hole in my heart right now that I definitely have never experienced before and not quite sure how to even describe it. I think the reason this death is hitting me so much harder is because with the passing of Dolly comes the passing of an era...or maybe the beginning of a new one, but it's too painful for me to think of that right now. I thought it might help me to grieve a little by putting something down in words.
This house has never been void of the pitter patter of furry feet, and it seems so empty now. There is just something about having a dog's love that is so different than any other that I know a lot of us are familiar with. (Starting with the fact that they never talk back to you, but they can still tell you they love you just by the looks they give.) But all that aside, these 3 dogs were different. They were 3 of the most gentle loving souls I have ever been blessed to know in my whole life. And I think each of them drew from the others. When we lost Rex, you could tell Amber and Dolly lost a piece of themselves. And of course the same for Dolly when Amber passed. Everyone to know them were touched by them. I would even receive comments from our vet about what wonderful, gentle dogs they were, and you could just tell that even they could tell they were special.
This is the end of an era because no other furry friend that becomes a member of our family will ever know the love of Rex, Amber, and Dolly. No other person or animal will ever be privileged enough to feel their acceptance and tender manner. All of our friends that have ever brought their pets to our house have known this acceptance. There was no one they would not welcome. And yet each one was also so in tune to our own individual needs. Rex, who had bad hips and sensitive joints and had gimped around since I had known him, was the first one to allow himself to be used by the children as a stepping stool to climb on the couch as they were learning. And Amber, always so protective and seemingly fierce on the outside, but only we knew what a baby she was on the inside. And Amber had never accepted anyone into Jon's life the way she did me. I think Jon knew it was ok to love me because Amber knew we were right for each other. And Dolly, my shadow. She never wanted to let me out of her sight and I don't think I have ever felt more needed in my life. And even in her final moments, when she has normally her whole life been all about me, she turned to Jon and loved him for the last few minutes and rested her head in his hands and told him it would be ok.
I know they are all happy to be together again in heaven. Each one never did feel complete without the others. I hope they are all running happy free of the pain that plagued them here on earth. So even though I know they "are in a better place" and "it's better to have loved and lost" and all that, it still hurts really, REALLY bad! Rex, Amber, and Dolly might have been dogs, but they were still very important members of our family.
I miss you guys so much...and I will never forget the love you gave.
I love you Rex!
I love you Amber!
I love you Dolly!
See you again soon...
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