A Story of Time

Once upon a time in a town far away

There were two silly girls who liked to play.

Deep down inside each one was afraid

Of the insecure relationships they had made.

Then one day one of them said something wrong,

And just like that her good friend was gone.

The girls moved on and fifteen years went by,

Until one found the other and decided to say "hi."

So much time had passed, they both had grown,

They started to talk of the life they each owned.

One is a wife and the mother of two,

The other lives out west and has a cool job, too!

Suddenly they picked up right where they left off,

Sharing their lives and hoping the other would not scoff.

The day finally came when they planned to meet,

Hoping and praying it's not bittersweet.

They soon came to realize each one was the same,

The comfort they felt was much more than a name.

And so this begins a new chapter in life

Of the cool Cali girl and the crazy housewife,

Who started the journey as two high school kids

And soon blossomed into two lovely orchids.

No more giving in to the doubts and the fears,

But most looking forward to the rest of the years!

Boys And Their Bodily Functions

There has been much talk around my house the older Evan gets revolving around his body and it's functions. He is very obsessed with his "weiner" as well as the many conversations we have that consist of the things he does on the toilet. I still can't get him to stop asking me/telling me about all the trips he takes to the bathroom.

"Just do it!" I say, "You don't have to tell me every time you go to the bathroom."

Today definitely takes the cake, however. Lately he's been talking about his bowel movements when he has them, excitedly telling me that "the poo poo's are listening, Mommy!" I am assuming that is his explanation for how they ended up in the toilet. Earlier today, we were all settling in for my favorite hour of the day: quiet time! Veronica was already laying in my bed with the TV on, and I had sat down to my computer to check my email so the house was pretty quiet. Evan went in to use the bathroom before he had to head up to his room. All of a sudden I heard him in there quietly talking to himself, and the conversation, with Evan playing both parts, went a little something like this:

"Evan?"

"Yes?"

"You have to get those poo poo's to listen so they come out."

"Ok."

"You have to have a big BIG one that goes all in the potty!"

"Ok."

And then he started to grunt. I'm such a proud Mommy.

Why don't I remember there being this much drama surrounding Veronica and her poo poo's?

Stepping Out In The Sun

Feeling the pain inside

Wondering when it died

How did they get to me

Who could have let it be

Stepping out in the sun

But finding trust with no one

Living through the day

And wondering what to say

All the feelings collide

Leaving me empty inside

I wish that I could say

It’ll be a better day

Where should my next step go

How will I ever know

Wishing they could understand

We’ve all been dealt our hand

All the feelings collide

Leaving me empty inside

I wish that I could say

It’ll be a better day

Stepping out in the sun

Now searching for someone

Living through the day

And hoping it’ll be ok...

Don't Give Up On Me!

So the 30 blogs in 30 days is obviously not happening. It proved to be a huge challenge, but, more importantly, I didn't want to keep writing things just to be writing. But I promise I have not stopped writing. So let's forget about the "challenge," and I'm going to go back to writing when there's something on my mind. There are a few things brewing in my head, but a couple are things that might take me a while to tell the story the way I want--especially with all the interruptions I deal with.

Thanks for reading! It feels good to know that people appreciate the things I have to say. There are definitely going to be some interesting ones to come. So stay tuned...

My Computer Is So Distracting!

Jon and the kids are out of the house for a couple hours this morning--not nearly enough time, but I'll take it--and I'm trying to clean up the house and do a few other things. But instead I sat down here at my computer to check something "real quick," and I'm still sitting here about 30 minutes later. So at the very least if I'm going to waste time I should write something, even if this really is about nothing. So here are my mindless thoughts this morning that seem to have me glued to the couch.

I'm looking at this messy house and thinking "What's the point?" I'm so sick of cleaning shit up! Housecleaning has always been the bane of my existence anyway, but now that I have two kids adding to the mess...I mean seriously, what is the point? Just yesterday alone I was trying to get through the morning and get us all ready to leave in the afternoon to go to a friend's graduation party that turned out to be a wedding. I wasn't even trying to clean house, but everyone needed to bathe, eat, get dressed, etc. Every time I turned around it was something. My daughter came into the room with a bunch of broken up pretzel pieces that she had put in a plastic container and was shaking them all around like maracas. The pretzel pieces flew out of the container and all over my bedroom floor while I was trying to dry my hair. So I stopped and put them in the bath while I went downstairs to get the vacuum cleaner. That's when I discovered the millions of pretzel pieces on the floor in the living room. Then Evan was in our bedroom and knocked over a glass of water--thankfully it was just water--that Jon had sitting next to his side of the bed. So I could bust my butt and clean all this stuff up so they can come home in an hour and destroy it again, or I could sit here and waste time on my computer.

I'm also sitting here reliving the events from last night. My friend Deanna from high school lives here in the Charlotte area too. Unfortunately she is about an hour drive from us, but, relatively speaking, it's still close. We were invited to a party at her house that was celebrating her recent graduation. It started at 4, and since Jon doesn't get off work until 4, I knew we were going to be a little late. Thankfully we weren't too late now that I know what was going on. We showed up at about 4:30, and I walked through the house looking for Deanna. When I didn't see her, I stopped someone to inquire if they knew where I could find her. She said "Yes, she's upstairs getting ready for her wedding ceremony." Immediately I started freaking out. My first thought was that we had shown up on the wrong day or wrong time, and I started running through my brain trying to summon an image of my calendar. I think the lady saw the confusion on my face, and she quickly put my fears to rest by telling me that the wedding was a surprise that nobody knew about. So then I was really excited. I'm so happy for her! I made my way to the back yard where the whole thing was going to happen, and I heard someone call my name. When I looked over I saw Amanda, another of my great friends from high school that I had not seen in 15 years. I had already known she was going to be there, but I was thrilled to see her. After the ceremony was over, Amanda and I spent the next few hours playing "catch up." It was so good to get to know her all over again. I didn't really know hardly anyone at this wedding, but Jon didn't knew absolutely nobody, including the bride and groom. Once again I was reminded of one of the many reasons I love him. He was great about keeping watch over the kids while I was visiting with my friends, but when he wasn't doing that he was just introducing himself to people and making friends. Sometimes I really envy how good he is at doing that, but mostly I just appreciate it.

Pretty soon we had to leave the wedding because the kids were getting tired. But we were still on somewhat of a celebration high. It was 9pm, and we were looking for someone to come sit with the kids or come hang out with us. 9 o'clock on a Saturday night is not the time to be organizing anything, so, needless to say, we didn't have much luck with either. But I did still manage to look like an idiot by knocking on a complete stranger's door in my neighborhood. Let me explain. I met a guy who was a patron at the sports bar I was working at a couple months back. We were talking and realized that we live in the same neighborhood, and he and Jon both have a passion for cars. I explained where we live and told him that we sometimes hang out in the garage, and he should just stop in sometime if he sees the garage door open. Since then he has stopped by twice, the second time being the day before yesterday. But in those two times, the only thing I managed to learn about him is that he is a police officer, that he also drives a red Dodge truck, and the street he lives on but not the exact house. So in our quest last night, we decided we would look him up. We are always looking for good friends, especially ones that live so close, and I figured if he can come spontaneously knock on my door, why can't I do the same? So we drove down the street--it's really not too long of a street--looking for either a patrol car or red Dodge truck. We immediately found a house with a patrol car sitting in the driveway. I kept saying to Jon "What if it isn't his house?" And Jon's answer was "How many cops do you think live on this street?" Too much of a coincidence, right? Wrong! I'm sorry to the poor lady having to deal with some weird chick with a fancy outfit on knocking on her door at almost 10pm. Sometimes I am such an idiot! It'll definitely be something to laugh about though when his neighbor relies the message that some girl came to her house looking for him. Luckily he doesn't have a wife or girlfriend he has to explain that to.

All in all I feel pretty good this morning, and it's been nice to have some quiet time. I'm psyched about going to sign up for my classes tomorrow. Also, I was able to have a chat with my mother-in-law this morning to get some things settled for next month when she will be taking my kids. And that has me very excited for all the upcoming "goings on." I can't wait for my brother's wedding. That will be a blast! And it will be fun to see Wendy and JD and catch up with them, as well as just to be in San Francisco. Then I'll be headed up to Maryland, where I will make a stop in northern Virginia to spend a day or two with Amanda before heading up to spend a day or two with my girl Pam. I'm sure I'll try to see another friend or two while I'm there as well as my family. But I'm also excited about seeing some people at Wendy and JD's engagement party that are old friends. Then it will be back home, picking up my kids along the way, where we'll spend the rest of the summer in the pool while all 3 of us prepare to go to school this fall. Things are happening around here, and it's going to be good.

Creativity Is The Sudden Cessation Of Stupidity

creative |krēˈātiv|adjectiverelating to or involving the imagination or original ideas

One of the major things I have discovered in my adult life is that I love all things creative. I always thought we were taught in school that most people were either logically minded or creatively minded. And since I was always really good at math, and for a while there it looked like I might pursue studies in accounting--God help me!--I always thought I was a logical minded person. So although I have always been pretty good at writing, painting, drawing, and things like that, I never really explored that side of myself until I started painting tiles and wall murals. I think that is when something inside me began to wake up, and I felt alive all of a sudden. No wonder I was so bored with the direction of my life thus far.

I have delved into all sorts of avenues along the creative path. I used to think I hated to cook, and as soon as I started getting into it, I realized I had this passion for putting together wonderful dishes for people to enjoy that all had been created by my own hands. I began to learn all the techniques of cooking, what ingredients worked together, and trying new foods I never had before. Sometimes I wouldn't even care about eating my masterpieces. So much of the pleasure came from sitting back and watching how much others enjoyed it.

The last time I was in college, which was over a decade ago, I dropped a psychology class about two days into it only to find that one of the only other things that fit into my schedule to replace it with was a philosophy class. I was not very excited about taking that class because it seemed a lot like a history class to me, and I am not really a fan of history. Who would have known that it would end up being my favorite class? I found the depths of thinking and the challenge to create reasoning where there was none to be exhilarating.

So obviously my most recent obsession is along these same lines. My blog writing started at first as a way to express myself in the grieving of my beloved pets, and then it became an outlet for me to connect with a world I had somewhat cut myself off from in the decision to be with my children all day. And let me say, this is NOT a stab at having to stay home with my kids. Trust me, I have to be creative on a daily basis in continuing to find new and effective ways to deal with them and stimulate their minds. But I have finally found that this is truly where my heart lies. If I didn't want to write blogs or stories or whatever else it may be, I would really love to write songs. But since I never took up the guitar or piano--yet, anyway--I'll leave that up to the professionals.

So as I officially start out n my journey of attempting to be a professional writer, I think if creativity really is the cessation of stupidity, I'm going to try to keep my spot among the intelligent as long as I can.

Beautiful Or Physically Attractive?

"Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time." --Albert Camus

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." --Kahlil Gibran

People seem to be putting more emphasis on physical attractiveness, and many are going to great lengths to achieve it. I saw kind of a disturbing report on the news this morning that one of the new trends is moms that are undergoing extensive plastic surgery to try to appear as though they are their daughter's twin. I find this to be kind of sick! Even if it doesn't bother your daughter, you have to ask yourself what kind of a message you are sending to her for when she starts to age. Will she be destined to repeat your actions at the sign of her first wrinkle? I also saw another show that had a couple moms on that were pressuring their daughters to undergo plastic surgery. One of the girls was considering it, but the other one didn't even think there was anything wrong with her body image. She thought she was beautiful the way she was, and her mom just kept drilling into her head how much she needed just a little nip here and tuck there. Whatever happened to your mom being at least the one person who would always think you were beautiful no matter what?

Ironically though, this is a subject that has been plaguing me lately for a couple of different reasons. The first is how this exact thing has affected my life as I journey through the years that continue to age me. That first quote by Camus is interesting to me because when you think about it, you spend all these years growing and maturing as a child, then you get a couple of good years in between that and the ones spent struggling to "maintain" for the rest of your life. I'm not afraid to say I feel as though I was a very physically attractive person in my 20's. Don't get me wrong, I was no supermodel. But I did enjoy many of the advantages of being an attractive woman. I've watched many heads turn my way on the street, had many drinks bought for me in a bar, had people in stores bend over backwards to help me, and so on. It may sound as though I am really full of myself, but I promise I'm not. I really am just stating how it is, and all you girls out there that are the same know that I'm right. But after having a couple of children and aging into my mid-30's, it's becoming harder and harder to recognize that person I used to be. I don't really see that many heads turning my way anymore, and clothes don't always hang on me quite as perfectly as they used to. However, I have come to the realization that I am becoming a much more beautiful person on the inside as I mature and continue to improve the "Rhoda" that lives within my soul. Before you start feeling sorry for me, just know I don't find myself physically unattractive...yet. But I'm not as young as I used to be, and I never will be as young as I am today. And like they say, in the end, you can't take it with you. So at some point you really do have to remember that beauty is only skin deep, and are you really going to waste all that time, money, and effort into preserving that?

The second point that has cause for me to be concerned with this subject is I want to make sure that I am projecting the best body image and sense of high self-esteem onto my daughter. I am thrilled with the fact that she is one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever seen. However, I have no way of knowing how she will mature physically, and kids can be really mean...and that's just getting her through school! My dream for my precious daughter is for her to grow into an independent, confident, beautiful woman, and I think if I can instill in her the first two, the third will be there no matter what.

This world has turned into such a shallow and materialistic place, and we have to remember that we are all only here for a short time. I for one don't want to spend my time only trying to look better. I hope that one day I can be remembered for something great I did or a profound statement I made and not just a pretty face. Besides when you think about it, a pretty face is really just either something you are born with or something you can buy, and it really doesn't seem like that much of an accomplishment at all.

So you have to ask yourself...is it more important to be physically attractive or just be downright BEAUTIFUL? Because even the best plastic surgeons can't fix your outer beauty forever.

A Crazy Love Story

I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but I remember the moment that I finally realized I had fallen in love with Jon. Some have tried to tell me they knew long before I did, but I swear that up until that moment, I really was thinking that one day we would find him a nice girl that was not me!

My best friend Pam had a side business--well, she still does actually--doing hand-painted ceramic tiles. I had cut my hours at work down to 3 days a week, so I needed something to turn my attention to that wasn't staying home and cleaning house. We decided that we would get together every Wednesday and paint tiles at her house. She taught me the ropes, and, as it turns out, I was a pretty good artist. And of course we always had a blast! After a while we decided to challenge ourselves, so we paid for booth space at the Ocean City Sunfest. We spent countless hours painting a ton of stuff that we never sold--that's another blog for another day--but we found that people did seem to like our stuff because we were able to sell some special order pieces. Lots of people were asking us if we had a store or a studio they could come visit to check out our things. So we began to dream and think about how cool it would be to open up a store.

Of course we couldn't afford to open a store, but after attending a wedding at the Savage Mill in Laurel, I saw a sign advertising studio space for rent so I decided to check it out. It turned out that the rent was pretty inexpensive, and it seemed as though we could actually make this work. So we rented the space and decided we would commit to having hours in the studio 3 days per week.

It didn't take us long on our move in day to discover the Ram's Head. OK, I'm lying. The fact that the Ram's Head was right next to us was pretty much one of the best selling points. Anyway, after exhausting ourselves painting and moving, we made our way to the bar to treat ourselves to a beer. Pam and I are the kind of people where we seem to make friends everywhere we go, and the Ram's Head was no exception. Right away we met Jon because at that time he was the weekday bartender in the tavern, and we often went there for "lunch." He quickly became one of our favorite people. I was not initially attracted to Jon physically, but he had so many terrific qualities in his personality, and I always had so much fun when we would hang out together. Pam and I always told Jon how much we loved him and couldn't understand why he didn't have a girlfriend. So we made it our mission to find a "nice girl" for him, and he was all for it.

It soon got to the point where Jon had become such a good friend of mine that we were almost always together. Most of the time Pam was my constant companion, but since she couldn't always be there to hang out with me, Jon was quickly becoming my other party pal. I began to hear from people that Jon had developed feelings for me, but I just thought "Join the club! He'll get over it." I know, I was somewhat conceited back then.

This went on for a while until one night Pam and I decided that we were going to hang out on a Friday night down in the Rathskellar because Jon had picked up a shift down there for someone. So we figured we would hang out down there to keep him company...and pretty much because we never paid for anything when he served us. I had a previous obligation so Pam had already been there for a little bit by the time I got there. As soon as she saw me, she launched into an account of how she met a girl who she thought would be perfect for Jon. If you recall, up until now that had been our big mission. She wasted no time introducing us and instructed me to observe the chemistry between the two of them when they would talk across the bar. First of all, let me say--and I'm sure Pam would even admit this now--there was absolutely NO chemistry between them. Secondly, Jon really did have a huge crush on me, and I'm positive he wasn't really thinking about being with anyone else at that point even though I really don't know that for sure. And thirdly, I found myself very confused about a situation that I was not happy about, but I couldn't figure out why. I was not being very friendly to the "chosen" girl, and Pam was giving me grief about that because she couldn't figure out what my problem was. I kept telling her I just didn't think they were right together at all, and I felt like I knew him better.

Now, when I say I was confused, I really was confused. I had no intentions of ever being with Jon. I had never thought of him as anything except a great friend, and I didn't know where all these mixed up feelings were coming from--and I'm usually pretty sure of myself. I remember sitting there with Pam asking me what my problem was, and I was thinking to myself "Yeah, why am I being such a bitch?" And of course that's when I understood. All of a sudden I started looking at Jon funny, and I realized what my heart had known, but my brain was struggling to catch up.

There came a point where we all had to leave. Jon left ahead of us, and I had no idea where he went. Suddenly it became the most important thing in the world for me to find him. I kept trying to call him, and he wasn't answering. I was at the mercy of my ride, so all I could do was continue to frantically call him over and over and hope that at some point he would answer or get one of my messages. He must have known where we were going because as soon as we arrived at our destination, Jon was standing there waiting for us. I remember to this day how much my heart soared as soon as I saw him there. I don't think I've ever been more excited to see anyone in my life.

Needless to say, we shared our first kiss that night, and I've never looked back. Jon and I spent months cultivating a wonderful friendship before that night, and I think there's something to be said for being in love with your best friend. To this day, I'm thrilled to have him in my life, and he is still one of my favorite people to hang out with. We have certainly come a long way since that night, but the one thing that hasn't changed is our friendship, respect, and deep love for each other.

Mission completed.

In This Corner, VERONICA!...And In This Corner, EVAN!

...and it ends in a TKO to Mommy!

Before I tell this story, I'll start with a little bit of background information. First thing you need to know, I am NOT a morning person. My level of rage can go from nothing to off the charts within seconds early in the morning. Consequently, we've worked out a system that usually makes us all happy where the kids will get up anytime between about 7 or 8 and come into my bedroom and watch TV. Most of the time this goes just fine without incident until I'm ready to get up around 8 or 8:30. The last thing is that the sibling rivalry between Veronica and Evan has gotten ridiculous. And yesterday afternoon and evening it was almost more than I could take in that department. Evan was busy doing typical boy stuff like calling her "stupid girl" and pushing her off her bike. Veronica tries to be a lot more subtle about things. She's gotten pretty clever in the ways she antagonizes him for a 4 year old. But the tattling and complaining is like nails on a chalkboard. It usually goes a little something like this.

"Mooooommmmmmmm!!"

"What Veronica?"

"Evan said 'busted'!"

Um, seriously?!? So when they went to bed, and I had a chance to relax and see things differently, I said to myself "Tomorrow is going to be a better day!"

Anyway, they both got up this morning at 6:45. Already not off to a good start, but ok. Just lay down, watch TV, and be quiet. A couple minutes before 7, they announced the next program coming up to be Blue's Clues.

Veronica: "I don't want to watch Blue's Clues. I want to watch Martha Speaks."

Evan: (screaming) "No!!!!! I don't want to watch Martha Speaks! I want to watch Blue's Clues!"

At which point the arguing begins. I tried to reason with Evan first. I feel guilty because he gets his way a lot since he tends to be the loudest and most unreasonable. But he wasn't budging, and since it was 7 in the morning and I was in no mood for this, I let him have his way, and I told Veronica she could have her way the next time we had to pick something. She was a little put off, but still she accepted her fate, or so I thought. Did I mention how devious she has gotten?

After a few more minutes go by, and she's had time to rethink her situation, she starts complaining again. So I told her to go in their playroom and watch it on the TV in there. That's apparently not good enough either because that TV doesn't work very well. In her defense, the TV set in there hasn't always been producing the best picture, and sometimes we have to beat it to get it to even work. I didn't want her going downstairs because we've had a couple dogs staying with us, and I knew if she went down there they would think it is time to get up to go outside. So I told her maybe she should read a book. And after a minute spent thinking about it--I could almost see those conniving gears in her head turning--she decided that was a great idea. I really didn't think she was going to go for that idea, so I should have known something was up as soon as she agreed.

About a minute later, she came back with Evan's favorite Thomas the Tank Engine book that, up until a minute ago, she could not have cared less about. After getting settled back in bed, she began looking through the book, making sure the whole time that she got Evan's attention. Well, of course it worked because Evan started pitching a fit saying that was his book and he wanted it, and this time I wasn't giving in. I told him he was going to have to get a different book unless of course Veronica wanted to give it up in exchange for the channel switching to Martha Speaks. Could it be this is the solution that will make everyone happy? Yeah, right! Veronica has something he wants now, and since she was winning, she wasn't about to give that up.

"No," she says. "I don't want to watch Martha Speaks anymore. I want to read this book!"

At which point Evan threw himself on the floor and started screaming, and I realized that maybe I was going to have to wait a little longer for that good day I was hoping for.

Could It Really Be Age Isn't Just A Number?

It all started with the kids. Suddenly I wasn't just young, fun, hip Rhoda anymore. I was a mom! Then I had to get glasses. So now I am a nerdy mom. But you're only as young as you feel, right? The problem is, some days I feel down right old! I'm not sure at what point it hits that you aren't a spring chicken anymore. I don't even mean just the physical stuff, but suddenly you start to think about all the things you meant to accomplish in your life and realize the years are slowly ticking by.

Going back to school this fall is going to interesting. I know I'm going to be the oldest person in my class, or at least very close to it. But who cares? My perspective has been "better late than never"...until I showed up at the school the other day to take my placement exam. I just can't believe how little they all look, and I kept thinking to myself that I really am going to stick out like a sore thumb! It's definitely going to feel a lot more strange than I originally thought.

But here's where it gets good. For me, age has brought a lot of confidence, wisdom, maturity, and just a general awareness of who I am as a person. The kids I will be in class with most likely won't have any of those advantages. No longer am I going to have to sit in class and worry about what everyone thinks of me, or if I'm the class nerd. As a matter of fact, I hope I am the class nerd. Because I'm 34 years old, and I've got to make it count this time.

(OK, just a little side note. I haven't been able to write even this much without being interrupted a million times. This is definitely going to be a challenge as well as good preparation for when I have a ton of homework!)

Although I was one of those that absolutely hated pretty much my whole entire high school experience, I now realize what a small, insignificant part of my life it was. But I loved my twenties (all the parts I remember anyway), and there are many parts of that decade I miss.

So that brings me back to my kids and the glasses. It turns out I don't look half bad in glasses. And it really doesn't bother me to wear them. And I really love my kids, and most days I like them a lot too! And as far as being the oldest "kid" in my class, at least I don't have all those insecurities we all had back in high school. So if someone wants to talk about me behind my back or look at me funny because they wonder what I'm doing there, I say bring it on! Because I've got plenty of life's experiences under my belt that have made me a lot more thick skinned than I was 15 years ago, and it has served me well.

The ABC's Of Life...For Today Anyway

I am challenging myself to write 30 blogs in 30 days. As I prepare myself to get ready to go back to school, I'm trying to get my creative juices flowing. So, for today's installment...

A is for Applications...and the fact that they seem never ending! It's a school thing.

B is for Bloat...and it sucks! There is nothing fun about bloat. It makes you feel constantly full, yet for some reason you can't stop shoving everything in sight in your mouth!

C is for Crazy...as in that's where I feel like I'm going. And that pretty much goes for every day!

D is for Dogs...as in the two that are still here in my house after more than a month, lounging in the same spot on the couch they seem to have claimed as their own. What's wrong with the other couch? This is the one I like! I like to be able to stretch out my legs in my spot on my couch while I type out my blog, but apparently it's too much trouble for them to go lay on the other couch that is rarely used and only five feet away. Whatever!

E is for Eggs...because we're out of cereal. Evan requests cereal every morning for breakfast, and since I'm not really a fan of culinary challenges before coffee, I'm happy to oblige. But since we are out of cereal, and since I have convinced Jon to take 1-2 hardboiled eggs with oatmeal to work every morning instead of greasy, fattening breakfast sandwiches, I feel as though I've been knee-deep in eggs lately.

F is for Flat tire...because I just looked out the window at my car. Great!

G is for Grandmothers...and I think the reason is pretty obvious. But, in this instance it's because the kids and I are especially excited about the summer sleepover at both of the grandmother's houses that will start a new annual tradition.

H is for Hugs and kisses...because I know one day I'm going to wonder why they don't want to constantly dish them out anymore. :(

I is for Ice-cold beer...if you read the rest of this post, you'll know it's a necessary part of the day. And it just tastes damn good!

J is for Jon...it needs no explanation.

K is for Kill...the millions of houseflies that won't leave me alone! Why, what did you think I meant?

L is for Laundry...yeah, constant. Especially if you skip below to letter "P".

M is for Money...because I'd love to be able to have the chance to prove it's not the answer to all my problems.

N is for "No!!"...ummm, don't know why. I guess that one just came to me.

O is for OKAY!...Go eat a cookie, just stop bugging me!!

P is for Potty, Pee Pee, and Poo Poo...does this really need any explanation? These words have unfortunately become a large part of my vocabulary. I have found myself on occasion being out and excusing myself to go "potty", and that has got to stop!

Q is for quiet...not that I would have any idea what that is!

R is for relaxation...because I like to dream (see above).

S is for Summer...and I'm so glad the pool is about to open!

T is for Tired...as in tired of trying to decide what is for dinner, tired of cleaning up messes, tired of refereeing between sibling fights, tired of trying to figure out "what are we going to do something fun today?", etc, etc, etc.

U is for Unbelievable...that you see me sweeping and mopping the kitchen, and you still think it's ok to crumble your potato chips on the floor during lunchtime. Because, oh, I don't know, it's fun?!?

V is for Veronica and evan...who are my life in every sense of the word, but I'm really excited to see how much I'm going to miss them for 2 weeks next month.

W is for Why?...because everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, has to have an explanation.

X is for 'Xpletives...because I fight like 'ell to keep them out of my mouth every day.

Y is for Yea!...Daddy's home!!

Z is for Zoned out...ummm, Evan, are you hearing me?!?

Step Out Of Your Cage and Onto The Stage

I can taste the tears falling
A victim that's inside you calling
Yearning for a liberation
Emotional emancipation

Let yourself go
Let yourself go
Let your senses overflow

Step out of your cage and onto the stage
It's time to start playing your part

Freedom awaits
Open the gates
Open your mind
Freedom's a state

To many of you who know me, you know that Depeche Mode has always been one of my all time absolute favorite bands. And although I do love them, they come by their "Depressed Mode" nickname quite honestly. I think I can count the number of truly happy, upbeat songs on one hand...maybe two. But for that reason, sometimes when I'm feeling a little down and out, their music really speaks to me. It doesn't make me suicidal or anything, but I love their style of expressing themselves and the poetry that is their lyrics. I do believe some of it is very ambiguous, but sometimes that it works better that way because it leaves it somewhat open to your own interpretation.

The last few weeks I've been pretty down in the dumps. It is what it is, but it still sucks. Winter is coming to an end, and over the past month, I think half of it has been spent gray and rainy. But I think it was coming on anyway. And it mostly has to do with the title I have given myself of "housewife" ("incoherent" I'm ok with ☺). Unlike my mother, I never had any dreams of living out my life as a wife and mother. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a wife and mother, but it's not really what I wanted to base my whole life on. But problem I have is trying to figure out what my dreams are. It really isn't clear. So I've been feeling lately like I'm having a real identity crisis. Most of the decisions I've made have been based on life's circumstances and opportunities at the time instead of the result of chasing down a dream. So now, for the first time ever, I've decided to do something purely self-indulgent. I am going back to school!

I know what you're thinking..."Wow, don't go too overboard!" But in reality, I want to go to school and get a degree, but also study something that I'm passionate about, and not necessarily something that will be lucrative for my future. And I want to do it without having the slightest idea whether it will even benefit me in the future other than just being better educated. I still want to be a wife and mother because I think I'm really good at it. But without having any other creative outlet or anything else to define myself by, that job in and of itself suffocates me. I want to continue to strive to "work" on me and be a better Rhoda so that I can keep being what my family needs.

Ultimately we are all in charge of our own state of mind and how we control it. And like the song says "freedom awaits, open the gates, open your mind, freedom's a state." So that is exactly what I plan to do. Hopefully as I continue to reinvent myself through the years and find the path that is mine, I'll one day be able to leave behind the legacy that I long for. Watch out world, here I come!!

The Timeline Of My Life As Defined By My Clothing

I'm doing a little spring cleaning today (one more time...Yea Spring!), and although I usually sort through the kids' clothes about every six months, I decided it was time to do it for myself as well. Now, I'm not a packrat. I'm actually pretty good at getting rid of things that I don't need or not using anymore. But although I have certainly unloaded my fair share of "old" clothes, I have also hung onto certain items for whatever reason, some as old as when this journey of my adult life began.

I'm not sure if it was my 4-year tenure at Hechinger's Home Improvement store or my horribly inadequate sense of style all through high school, but for whatever reason I remember my first day at Nordstrom being dressed in a yellow and black flannel shirt and black jeans. Aaaaccckkk!! Don't ask me how I remember that is what I was wearing, but thank god that fashion statement didn't last much longer. I quickly became transformed into the typical stylish Nordstrom girl that I always knew was in there dying to get out! And oh the wonderful styles! How about the Nine West Kimmie that we looked at that first day as we unpacked the boxes, and we were all in awe of how chunky the heel was. Now for those of you that aren't Pam, I should explain that it was the first time anyone had seen anything like a loafer on a heel. And by today's standards, there was nothing chunky about it. But we all bought a pair, and we were so cutting edge! I know I also owned a couple pairs of palazzo pants along the way, and I epitomized the "Rachel" haircut. Good times!

Fast forward a couple years and I was being promoted from assistant manager in BP shoes to assistant manager of Ladies/Salon shoes. There were a couple suits I just packed up that made me laugh because I remember showing up for work that first day in my new position and stunning everyone I work with by how I was dressed. Again, for those of you that don't know, BP shoes is more of a Junior's type department with lots of fast forward, funky styles. My new boss had only ever seen me dress a little on the crazy side. So when I showed up in a professional looking, but beautifully fitted skirt and double breasted suit jacket, he and everyone else breathed a sigh of relief. So I have all this professional looking Nordstrom clothing that I have hung onto all these years that I could never dream of ever fitting into again. There are so many great pieces in that collection including a really cute little mini skirt that I was wearing one day with my calf-high black suede Via Spiga boots when a lady came up to me and told me she wanted me to sell her some shoes because she had noticed me numerous times and always thought I had great style! I'm not sure why I've kept this stuff all these years except maybe because of the money I invested and the timelessness of the styles made me loathe to drop it all off with everyone else's rejects in the Goodwill piles.

Some of the items definitely made me laugh though. I have an iridescent royal blue pant suit that looks like something Liberace would wear and certainly shows a lack of shopping impulse control. What in the hell did I ever need an iridescent blue pant suit for, no matter how cute it looked?!? I have to admit that I'm keeping it though. You never know what kind of cool Halloween outfit that might make! I'm also having fond memories of my boot cut black leather pants. And no, I have never been on the back of a motorcycle. That was the style!! For about 5 minutes anyway. And I think I spent close to $200 on those pants. I'm saving those for Halloween too!

There are others that hold memories too. Remember the "Freedom" shirt? Yeah, I hated getting rid of that one too. I also have concert t-shirts that hold certain memories, as well as my Dingleberry Dynasty t-shirt, some random shirt that a bunch of people at the Ram's Head signed with a black marker during the Superbowl of '03, and others that I know are going to have to go too. And I can't help but wonder what final resting place was the destiny of some of my lost but not forgotten pieces like my Snowshoe sweatshirt and my Powerpuff girls Everclear concert shirt.

Obviously there are a million more moments that I could define by what I was wearing. Thankfully, like I said earlier, I'm not a packrat so most of that stuff is long gone and will only live on through the stories. But it's definitely a trip to walk down the memory lane of my 20's through the "eyes" of the clothes I used to wear. I think it will be interesting to see what another ten years brings. Although I'll definitely always have a little bit of Nordstrom in me for the rest of my life, my priorities and my style continue to change. I just hope in ten years I'm not piling up all my clothes thinking that the curse of the stay at home housewife took over my life!!

My Ode To Flip Flops

Oh how I've missed you my little non-supportive friends. Yes, I've heard the rumors that you are not good for me. The news and those pesky podiatrists have all tried to turn me against you. But they will not succeed. Because my love for you will never waver.

It's been so hard to be away from you all these months. To see you every time I open the closet and ignore you sitting right there. Please know it wasn't intentional. I would have chosen you in a heartbeat! I have often even thought of moving so that you and I can be together all the time. But we are back together now, so let us enjoy our time while we have it again.

Maybe it's the unassuming way you carry no pretensions. Are you dressy or are you casual? No worries! You are happy to be anything I ask of you. And you never let anything come between us like those annoying socks. It's just you and me against the world!

And the cost! You wouldn't let a silly little thing like money come in between us either. You are willing to be just as cute and useful at a price of $2.50 as you would for $200.

As we walk together and experience all the wonderful things life has to offer like the warm sunshine on my feet or the sand between my toes, I will think of you fondly, and dream of the day that we might be able to be together forever!

God Bless Spring!!

I know I've been MIA for a few months. Truth is, I haven't really had much to say. It's been a pretty blah winter, and I'm so thankful to be finally crawling out of it. In the five years since I've lived down here in the south, this is the first time I can remember that we haven't been in bloom when March has rolled around. And I think it's the first time since being in MD that I can remember feeling the winter doldrums this bad. I think I have officially cemented my position in the "I hate winter" club, and it's safe to say that I'm not sure I would survive living anywhere that the winters are going to be any worse than this. Sorry Jon!!

So anyway, now that it seems we have managed to find the sun and temps in the 70's (and hopefully will stay there), I figured it would be a good idea to reflect on some of the things I am thankful for.

One of the first things that immediately jumps to mind is that I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to be at home with my children. I never in a million years saw myself as the stay-at-home-mom type (and I wasn't going to breast feed either ☺). Although this job comes with plenty of trials and tribulations, there is so much to love. And now that the pool will be open again soon, I get to look forward to spending my days swimming and soaking up the sunshine every week. I know... it's tough. And although there have definitely been some rough days in there, we've come a long way. From having 2 babies age 1 and under with no support system and no money to having two beautiful children that are growing into their own and are about to both go to school this Fall. Wow!! I love them!

I am also very thankful for Jon who works his butt off for this family. No challenge is too great when it comes to making sure that our needs are provided for (so we can go sit at the pool all day!), and he never complains about having to do it. Also, I can't tell you how many times I've been told how lucky I am about what a great hands-on roll he plays in being a dad. It is definitely a 50/50 partnership when it comes to parenting. I love you, honey!

I feel so incredibly lucky that we haven't suffered from the failing economy! Not to mention that I quit my job just as it was beginning to fall. At a time when people are fighting to find jobs I gave mine up! (I dare anyone to take that job though!!) Luckily we have come through it so far with relatively few scars.

And my friends, the few that I have. Don't let my facebook profile fool you. I really don't have 90something friends. I can't even believe that I have that many people that want to be my facebook friend. But maybe I take it more literally than everyone else! ☺ Anyway, my true friends that have seen me through it and are still around to talk about it. I couldn't help but watch poor bachelor Jason Mesnick and all the crazy controversy that he has stirred up (ok everyone, get a life!!) and think about all the similarities between what is going on with him and what happened with me about eight years ago. Not all the details are the same, but the general concept that has everyone so pissed at him is the same. And even though my situation was on a much smaller scale (thank god!), everyone seemed to have their opinion about my life and how I was screwing everything up. And I definitely lost some friends over it. So to all of them I say "Sorry you couldn't handle it!" and to those who saw me through and helped me up along the way as I fell, I say "I love you guys more than you know!"

OK, so my life isn't all peaches and cream. I'm sitting on a ripped up couch that I hate, I still have to watch every dime that I spend, most of my good friends that I speak of I barely get to see, my "job" comes with plenty of disadvantages too, and on and on. But I digress, because although I could probably write a much longer blog about all the stuff I hate, I decided to focus on the good as I begin to crawl out of this haze known simply to me as "winter."